Charles and Christy’s Weblog

It’s been a long time since I’ve written and a lot has happened.  After Clark’s birth, I went through a lot of different emotional stages.  I was so excited to finally have him here with us and I was amazed by him.  I was obsessed with every detail of what he was doing or not doing.  I was depressed that his birth didn’t go the way I wanted.  I was worried because the early days (I can say this in retrospect but at the time it seemed like a very long time) of nursing did not go smoothly at all.  I was impressed with myself that I had the tenacity to stick with nursing and find a way to make it work (no problem now!).  I loved watching Charles with Clark.  I was frustrated that I couldn’t figure out how to keep my family (that live far away) in the loop on our daily lives.  I was surprised at how much I didn’t ever want to leave my little guy.  I started to miss the community of people I got to know as we prepared for Clark’s birth (our doulas, our Bradley class peers, the Childbirth Collective folks), and I found a new parenting community (ICAN and Attachment Parenting).  I was shocked at how hard it was to get simple things done.  I was impressed by the amazing support we received from our family and friends (I don’t know if there’s a little guy more loved than ours).  I was worried because the dogs  did not adjust easily (a huge understatement!) to the life change. I was overwhelmed by the task of finding childcare.  I was traumatized by the act of leaving Clark at day care (even though we found an amazing place).  My life is totally different.  It’s clear to me now that I didn’t know how different life would be… I was arrogant… I thought I would be able to organize this new person into the previous version of my life.  I know now that nothing is done for my convenience.  If we stray from what Clark needs, everything goes haywire.  So, he sleeps when he’s tired (and you never want to wake a sleeping baby), eats when he’s hungry, and plays the rest of the time.  I do the things I need to do when I can but there’s a lot more stuff going undone right now.  I am surprisingly OK with this.